Alexia Eden (FairyTales Don't Exist)(3)

By: Sophie Summers



I’ve done everything - I’ve tried yelling and telling her how I need her but it always ends up the same way. Her telling me that she has nothing to live for and that I should just be happy that she’s still around.

Yeah… that hurt like a bitch, but I was done crying, I cried all I could the day I said goodbye to daddy at his funeral and it felt better when I cut off everything, when I blocked it all out – people say that you shouldn’t keep everything bottled up inside but I disagree.

I don’t let the hurtful things my mother says when she’s high get to me anymore and I don’t let the sadness creep in when I think about daddy…I can’t. I don’t feel much anymore therefore I don’t cry anymore, it all works out better this way. The day I begged my mother to stop with the drugs only to have her slap me and tell me to piss off was the last time I let my emotions show, I know deep down I am weak but that doesn’t mean I want others to see it.

I don’t know why she doesn’t see that she still has me to live for! Doesn’t she see that I’m still around? That I need her! She’s not the only one that lost him, I lost him too! I don’t know this person she has become, since she started with the drugs she’s been acting as if she’s my age, cussing and wearing slutty clothes that barely cover anything- she has the perfect body but she’s attracting attention from the wrong guys. I think she tries to see other guys just to forget about dad but nothing can compare to her prince charming, none of these low lives could ever live up to my father, why can’t she see this and stop wasting her time?

“Lexi get your ass off the car and help unpack!” she shouts from the front door of our new home.“I’m on my way Georgina! Can you give me 5 minutes to stretch my legs!” mother hates it when I call her by her first name, but I told her the morning after her first boyfriend came for a “sleep over” that if she wasn’t going to act like my mother then I wasn’t going to call her one.

“Lexi! You seriously need to stop that shit! It’s really starting to piss me off. Fuck sakes give it a rest!” Mom yells huffing and puffing as she walks toward the car to get another full bag.

“Yeah yeah.” I say jumping off the front of the car putting my IPod in my back pocket, I should probably help, not that we have much to move in but whatever right.

Walking into the house, first thing I notice is the shit green colour wall paper; I pray to all that’s Holy that this doesn’t cover all the walls. Walking through the open plan kitchen and lounge area I stride down the passage. I see two doors on my right and at the end of the passage is a door leading outside with another door to its left. Opening the first door I see the bathroom, “Gross...holy shit!” I mutter out loud looking at the state of the bathroom, I don’t have OCD or anything it’s just that I like my shit clean and organized.

I quickly shut that door and turn to the next one, I spot my soon to be room, moms already put my box of frames and ornaments on the bed. I sit down on the bed facing the big window that looks out into the open grass area that leads to the forest then look around my new room. It’s actually rather large, I have a double bed with two small white bedside tables on each side, obviously the furniture is worn and dusty but it’s perfect for me. There’s a chair seated in the corner near the window with a set of wooden drawers. I open the box and look at the frames of my friends and I.

Smiling to myself I think of the girl I use to be, I was so happy, innocent and so terribly naïve. I had lots of friends and my fair share of boyfriends, I tend to get along better with the boys than with the girls but that’s probably due to being brought up in a gym house surrounded by guys. My previous relationships with boys never lasted long and I suppose I never had a real connection with any of them but I was still friends with my exes after we broke up.

Besides... we always broke up on good terms and as I got older it was kinda always for the same reason, I wasn’t ready to give up my V card yet. I told them they should find girls that could make them happy and give them want they want and it wasn’t like I was in a serious relationship with any of them to begin with. Of course I was jealous when I would see them with other girls the day after we broke up but back then I was a different girl.

When I decided that it was easier to switch off my emotions, to withdraw from anything that was the girl I used to be before life threw me that huge curve-ball I lost friends, one by one, eventually sitting alone in the library during lunch reading fantasy books that would always end in happily ever after. I stopped dressing like a Barbie and started wearing darker clothes, I got my tongue, nose and belly pierced and the only person that I wanted to notice me or acknowledge me didn’t. Mom didn’t notice the changes most of the time – so I did one better and got a few tattoos to add to my canvas. Dam straight she noticed then!

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